Always
by BloodRedLust
Summary: CONTAINS s4 SPOILERS - S4 Fix-it This is my conspiracy theory of what ACTUALLY happened after the car bomb in the bits that RT and KB didn't show us at the end of s4 during that ridiculous 'One year later' time jump. Veronica is shown proof that no-one died when the bomb went off, so she investigates. LoVe!
1. Chapter 1

**Always**

So, Hi. I'm Bec. I've come out of my self imposed retirement from writing to fix the royal fuckup that was the ending of season 4. It is going to stay canon – everything that we saw happen in season 4 still happens, but this is my conspiracy theory of what ACTUALLY happened in the bits that RT and KB didn't show us... and if this goes well, I plan to write my own version of a season 5. Let me know if you would be interested in reading it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Veronica Mars. If I did, you can sure as shit bet that I wouldn't have pole-axed my loyal fans with an ending like that.

This is going to be a three-parter.

...

I had spent the last three days at my Dads house, cuddled up with Pony on the sofa bed in the living room. I didn't want to talk to anyone, or see anyone. I just slept, and cried, and then slept some more. Wallace had been to visit me, to offer me his condolences, but I didn't want to hear it. He had tried to pass me Noah, for a cuddle, saying it would cheer me up, but I pushed him away.

Then there was Dick. Logan was his best friend, and Dick had lost him and his father on the same day. I didn't usually have a lot of sympathy for Dick, but he sort of had no-one left now, and I got the feeling he was hurting just as much as I was. He had been to visit this morning, and just sat with me on the sofa watching a movie. Quiet and broken. I didn't know what to say to him, and I don't think he knew what to say to me, but it was a comfort just having him there.

Jane had tried to call, twice. The second time, my dad spoke to her. She said she wanted to see me, and the sooner the better, but I just wasn't ready to go there yet. I wasn't ready to talk about it. I wasn't ready to admit it, not out loud.

And now, Leo was here. I could hear muffled voices coming from the other room, and I glanced up to see them both watching me. My eyes locked with my Dads', and I hoped he would just tell Leo I wasn't up to accepting visitors. Surely he could see I didn't want to talk to anyone?

Apparently not.

My dad escorted him into the room. He had his head hung slightly to the side, in that cocked 'sympathetic' pose that people adopt at funerals, or when talking to people who are seriously sick.

"Hey Veronica" he spoke softly.

I didn't have the strength in me to respond.

He came and sat beside me, and my dad mumbled something about giving us some privacy, and left the room.

"There's something here that you really need to see."

I took the pages he offered out to me, but it wasn't until I saw what they were that I actually sat up and paid attention.

It was the forensic report of the bomb that exploded in my car. The blast had been so powerful it created a crater in the earth beneath it, and broke the windows in houses within a 42 foot radius. But, according to this forensic report, no human remains, or even traces of blood, had been found on the unrecognizable contorted pieces of scrap metal that had previously been my car.

And yet, also according to this report, the county coroner had signed off on a death certificate, legally declaring Logan dead. Why?

So many things just didn't add up.

I was supposed to believe that Logan had died when the backpack bomb exploded in my car on our wedding day. At 5pm. An hour after our wedding.

Fiji is 19 hours ahead of California. Why didn't I think of that? Why didn't I check my car? Why wouldn't the Sheriffs department have taken Penns' backpack when he was arrested? How could my Dad and I have overlooked something that important? And why did Logan have to move my car at precisely 5pm? 2 minutes either way, and we would be together on our honeymoon, right now.

The 'whys' had started yesterday. Apparently this is a sign that I am working through the different stages of my grief. I don't give a fuck about that. All of these questions had been swimming in my head for the past three days, and I hadn't been able to make sense of any of them … until now.

Like that text message from him, just before our wedding? "Sorry". I know he explained that as being a typo via Siri dictation, but in my gut, it felt like more than that. I just had a feeling he was apologizing for something else. When I looked at my phone, that was the last message from him that showed up. Just one word. 'Sorry'. Why were you sorry Logan?

I shook my head to clear it, and noticed that Leo was watching me. I had almost forgotten he was still there.

"What does this mean? If Logan was killed, why were there no traces..."

I let my voice trail off as my brain ran on ahead of my mouth.

"I'm sorry Leo, I've gotta go. I … thanks."

I grabbed my Dads car keys, realising at the last second that I was in 3 day old pyjamas, with bare feet and no bra, and decided to make a quick stop by the bathroom first. Not that I really cared about what I looked like, it was more habit than anything.

I drove on autopilot towards the beach, a million thoughts in my head as I tried to make sense of what I knew. I could see the police tape up ahead, still blocking off the street behind my apartment. I parked the car half a block away and walked over to take in the extent of the damage that the explosion had caused.

I had seen it straight after the bomb had exploded, but it looked very different now. The twisted pieces of metal were gone, as was the smoke and the fires. An underground water pipe had burst in the explosion, causing a geyser of water to spout out of the ground behind the car; that had now been shut off, but large puddles remained.

I ducked under the tape and walked towards the large hole in the road, realising then that I was trembling. There was an eerie stillness in the air, almost like it was mocking me. I scanned the ground carefully but found nothing, so I walked around the building and up the stairs to our apartment.

_Not our apartment? My apartment?_

Unlocking the door, I stepped inside and a hundred memories overwhelmed me all at once... Logan twirling me through that door and kissing me, holding me, all the smiles and laughter and banter and disagreements and fun and worry and love that we shared in this tiny apartment over the years came flooding back, and my knees buckled and I collapsed on the floor.

If he wasn't killed in the explosion, then where in the hell was he?

Biting back a sob, I crawled to my feet and started scanning the apartment for clues. Anything out of place, or missing, or unusual.

Pony's leash was missing from the hook by the door, but my Dad could have taken that when he had packed us up and taken Pony and me back to his place. My keys were gone too, but that's because Logan had taken them when he went to move my car...

Shaking my head to clear it, I moved into the bedroom. Last time I was here, Logans' duffel had been on the bed, next to my bag. Both were gone now. My dad had brought my bag over to his house, but what had happened to Logans' duffel? My dad had told me that my bag was the only thing that had been on my bed, and I had been too out of it to question it at the time, but I wasn't now. Where in the hell was Logans' duffel?

I went to Logans' side of the bed and opened his top drawer. The first thing I noticed was that his passport was gone. So was his Grandfathers watch, and his mothers lighter. _Odd?_ My search of the second drawer revealed nothing unusual, but when I opened the bottom drawer I froze.

There sat Pony's leash. Next to it was a small, Tiffany ring box, and an envelope with my name on it, in Logans' distinctive script.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, staring at the three items, trying to process it all in my head. None of these things had been in this drawer when I had last been here, packing for our honeymoon. What the hell did this mean?

With shaking hands, I lifted all three things out of the drawer. Ponys' leash. What was the significance of it?

The ring box.

_Tiffany_

I snapped it open. It was empty. Was this just the ring box for my engagement ring? The ring hadn't been in a box when Logan tried to propose to me, so that would make sense, but why was it here now, when it hadn't been before?

The envelope.

_Veronica_

Tears sprang to my eyes. I didn't know if I wanted to read this, but how could I not?

I gingerly opened it to reveal a single sheet of paper.

On that piece of paper was a single word, but on reading it, I knew without a doubt that it meant that my husband was not dead. I fell onto the bed, my head on his pillow, sobbing and shaking, with tears streaming down my face until I fell asleep, the precious letter clasped in my hands... because on it was a word he had uttered to me upon many occasions, when declaring how long he would love me; when declaring that his heart belonged to me. When declaring that he would come back to me.

_Always. _

And he had signed it just with an L.


	2. Chapter 2

Always  
Chapter 2

AN: Thanks for reading this over for me Jaime (ThatGirlWithThatSmile), and for your continued encouragement of me and my writing. You are definitely my favourite niece (but Sshhh, don't tell the others). xx

…

I had lain awake most of the night, my grief having given way to confusion as my brain tried so hard to put all the disjointed pieces of the puzzle together. I had finally dozed off again just as the dawn began to shine through the windows; only to be woken again, just a few hours later by Pony licking my face.

I could hear the faint sizzle of something frying, and the water running in the kitchen, and it took a few beats for it to dawn on me that it wasn't just a normal day. That person moving about in my kitchen wasn't Logan, it couldn't be.

But still, I had to check. Now that I knew Logan hadn't died in the explosion, it was plausible that he could come back to me one day, I couldn't just lay there and assume anything. I hopped up out of bed and quickly padded on bare feet around to the kitchen, my heart quickening at the prospect of seeing my husband standing there – that this had all just been a bad dream.

I had never been more disappointed to see my Dad in all my life.

"Hey Dad" I said softly, as I sunk onto a bar stool. He was standing by the stove serving scrambled eggs onto two plates, and he smiled brightly at me as he crossed the kitchen to pop a plate down in front of me.

"Good morning sweetheart". He dropped his arm gently over my shoulders in warm embrace. "Pony and I got an Uber over here, we were worried about you. I couldn't find his leash, so I dug out BackUps old one. How are you doing?"

I just shrugged. It wasn't really something I was honestly capable of answering just yet. He stroked his thumb across my temple a couple of times in a comforting gesture, showing he understood, before he returned to fetch his own plate from beside the stove, and set it down beside where I was sitting. He had poured us both a coffee, which he carried over too, and then fetched us both a piece of toast out of the toaster.

"Eat up kiddo, you're going to need your strength today. Where do you want to start?"

I slid a sidelong glance at him as I stabbed a forkful of eggs, and shoveled them into my mouth. I hadn't planned to tell anyone about this. At least, not yet. Not until I knew something concrete. If Logan, or as I suspected more specifically, Navy Intelligence, had faked his death, then they would have had to have had a very good reason for it, and I couldn't risk exposing him. I would have to tread very, very carefully.

My Dad, however, knew me too well. He correctly assessed my silence as hesitation to fill him in on the details, and frowned at me, lowering his voice to nearly a whisper.

"Veronica, come on, it's me. Leo showed me the report, and I came to the same conclusion that you did. I'm not letting you go through this alone."

His voice lowered even more, and he squeezed my hand as he pulled me closer to mumble in my ear. It was this action that made me realise for the first time that we might not be safe here, in this apartment. It could be bugged. They could be watching me. We needed to be very careful.

"We will find him, honey... or at least, find out why this happened."

I nodded, biting my lip. I don't think he understood how much I needed to hear that I wasn't alone in all this, not this time.

Or maybe he did understand, Veronica. Maybe that was the entire point.

Before I could even answer him, there was a knock at the door. I slid off the stool and stepped to the left, to peek through the window beside the door, to see who it was before opening it, and when I realized who it was, I snatched open the door and pulled my beloved hacker queen into my arms.

"Mac" I breathed, feeling all my emotions rise back up in me, just at the sight of my dear friend. She wrapped her arms around me in a tight, long hug. "You're home!"

She just nodded in reply, I felt the movement against my shoulder, and squeezed me even tighter.

"Veronica, I'm so sorry. Wallace told me what happened."

She pulled back and I could see the tears in her eyes, which matched my own.

I can't believe that Logan... Veronica, I'm so sorry."

…

My Dad left Mac and I to catch up, saying he would call me later. He took his car; now that Mac was back, she had offered to drive me around, and Dad said he needed his car today. He had a few things he needed to do at the office.

I knew he meant that he was going to begin looking into Logans' disappearance, but I couldn't say anything in front of Mac, so I just handed him his keys and showed him to the door. He kissed me on the cheek and gave me his very familiar 'be careful' look. I nodded, returning the same concerned glare onto him, before closing the door behind him.

Mac and I took Pony for a walk on the beach for over an hour, and I told her everything that had happened up until the bombing. She congratulated me on my wedding, then we both cried as I told her what had happened only an hour after it.

I felt awful not telling her the truth. Honestly, I knew I could trust her with my life, or more to the point right now, with Logans', but I didn't know how deep this ran, or what I might uncover, and I didn't want to put her in danger. It was bad enough that my dad knew … which reminded me, I would have to ask him whether he had spoken to Leo about covering up that report …

But first things first. I had a hunch about something, and I needed to check it out.

After our walk, and my big cry on Macs shoulder, we went back to the apartment and I showered and changed my clothes, then got her to drive me into town, with the Tiffany ring box tucked safely in my handbag.

…

Mac pulled up out the front of Tiffany and killed the engine. Logan had brought me in here once, about a year ago, under the guise of trying to get me to pick out a birthday present, but he had spent most of our time in the store perusing the engagement rings. I really shouldn't have been surprised when he had proposed... or, tried to. I hadn't let him get very far.

I told Mac that I needed to do this alone, so she waited in the car as I strode into the Jewelers, and up to the counter. A young woman was bent over a display case, as another woman was attending to a couple that looked to be in their 60's near the back of the store. The young woman smiled as I approached, and greeted me warmly.

"Good day, Ma'am. How may I help you today?"

I turned on one of my best and brightest smiles, trying my best to ooze my trademark 'Veronica' charm... though I really wasn't feeling it. I had been trying to come up with a play, but given the circumstances, I thought I might just have more luck with the truth.

"Good morning..." I quickly glanced at her name tag "Tabitha."

I pulled the velvet ring box out of my purse, and laid it on the counter between us.

"I'm wondering if you are able to tell me anything about this? My husband left it out for me, but he wasn't very clear about what I was meant to do with it."

She picked it up, and turned it over, examining it. There were no identifying marks on the outside, but as I had examined it again myself at 4am I had discovered a serial number on the inside, underneath the little velvet cushion inside the box. I watched her open it and remove the cushion herself, and she read the numbers aloud.

"08690"

I had run those numbers through my memory, and they had triggered nothing. It wasn't part of a phone number that I knew, or a date, or co-ordinates. I had come to the conclusion that maybe they were just the serial numbers for a ring that Logan had bought from Tiffany. Hence my visit.

"Just let me check the database. I'll be right back."

I browsed the display cabinets while I waited for her to return, which didn't take long. When she reappeared, she held a large white envelope, and a second small, identical ring box.

"Ma'am, could you please tell me your name?"

I hesitated, not sure exactly which name to use.

"Veronica Echolls?" I tried, with a faint lilt of questioning in my voice. She glanced at the envelope, then back at me, and shook her head.

"Would there be a different surname that it could be under?"

I nodded. "Veronica Mars"

She shook her head again.

I thought back to the night before our wedding. The night I had accepted Logan's proposal, and remembered the conversation we had had.

I think the Echolls is radioactive. I was going to take your first name.

A grin spread over my face.

"Is it Veronica Logan?"

She smiled and nodded, handing me the envelope. It had my name typed across the front of it, along with the words 'Only Give This Envelope To The Gorgeous, Petite, Feisty Blonde Woman Who Can Give You This EXACT Name.

"Your husband had ordered for your Eternity ring to be engraved and resized. It only came back in this morning. Would you like to try it on?"

My hands trembled slightly as I took the box from her, and opened it. Sitting there in the plush little cushion was a thin gold band. Wrapped around the band was a diamond encrusted infinity symbol. It was a beautiful ring, and I could tell it was part of a set, it would fit perfectly alongside my wedding band and engagement ring... but why did he want me to have it now? Wasn't an Eternity ring supposed to come years in the future?

I picked the delicate ring up out of the cushion, and turned it over.

Ahhh ok. That's why.

He had had it engraved.

V. Always. L.

To let me know that he would come back to me.

…

I told Mac I needed some time to be alone, and she offered for me to borrow her car for the afternoon while she visited with her parents, so I dropped her off and headed to the beach. Parking the car at the lookout above Dog Beach, I retrieved the envelope from my bag.

At first I was a little confused. The envelope contained the receipts for the infinity ring, the order form for the re-sizing and engraving, and a thick Tiffany catalog. I glanced back inside the envelope to make sure there wasn't anything still inside. It was empty.

I read the receipt, a little shocked but not at all surprised to discover how much Logan had spent on a piece of jewelry. Then I began to thumb through the catalog. I found the listing of my ring, in 'The Eternity Collection'. "Tiffany Infinity is a powerful symbol of continuous connection, energy and vitality."

I couldn't hide my smirk. No wonder Logan picked this one.

I read it twice, then my finger bumped against something cold and hard on the back cover of the catalog. I closed it and flipped it over to see a small, silver key taped to the back. I had seen this key before. It was the key to Logan's safe deposit box at the Neptune Bank and Trust.

Well, I guess I knew where I needed to go next.

…

A dark haired man wearing saddle shoes showed me into the private room at the bank. He took his key and unlocked a drawer in the wall, then turned and excused himself, shutting the door behind him. I waited until he had gone, and lifted the box out, placing it on the table in the center of the room, then sat down before it. Logan's small silver key fit in the lock perfectly, and I peered eagerly inside.

The box contained a passport, credit cards and a drivers license with my photos on them, but in the name of Josephine Platt. There was also a thick, yellow envelope containing cash, and as I thumbed through the notes, mentally calculating that there was about ten thousand dollars in there, a small, folded piece of paper fluttered out, into my lap. Picking it up, I noticed Logan's distinctive, loopy script adorned one side of it. I blinked back a tear at the sight of it, and began to read.

"My beloved bride, Veronica,

I'm okay. Find CW, he will explain everything.

Tell no-one else. I shouldn't even be telling you, but I can't let you believe I am dead.

Buy yourself a car, you will need it. Nothing conspicuous. Pay cash.

Keep Pony well fed, I'll be in touch soon.

I am so, so sorry for putting you through this, especially on our wedding day, of all days.

I adore you, my bobcat.

Love Always, Logan."

I read it again and again, soaking it in, reveling in it. He was okay. I had written confirmation that he was okay. Even if those had been the only words written on the note, I would have been happy to know that he was safe... but there was more, and some of it confused me.

Find CW. Who was CW?

I had already fucked up the next thing. Tell no-one else. My Dad already knew. So did Leo.

Why would I need a car? Or the fake passport, or license? Did he need me to go somewhere? Would I be meeting up with him?

And why the hell did he keep referencing Pony? First the leash, now making sure I remembered to feed him? He was definitely hinting at something that I wasn't getting, but I couldn't focus on all the clues at once. I had to slow down.

I adore you, my bobcat.

God I loved it when he called me that.

Dammit. Breath Veronica. Think.

First things first. Who was CW?

I debated whether or not I should put the ID and cards back in the box until I needed them, but then, I might not get much warning that I would need them, so I chose to take everything with me. I read the note again, memorizing it, then screwed it up into a ball and swallowed it.

Very stealthy, Veronica, you drama queen. You could have just burnt it.

I grinned at my own thoughts, suddenly feeling lighter and happier than I had in days.

Daylight was fading outside, and I knew I had to get Macs car back to her soon, but I was suddenly feeling very benevolent and nostalgic, and I knew there was one more stop I had to make before I could head back to my Dads.

...

I pulled slowly into the lot of PCH auto wreckers and parked by the fence. A small group of teens were playing basketball out the front of the shop, but I didn't recognize any of them. I was happy to see that JD was not among them. Hopefully he had gotten the hell out of Dodge, and was safe.

I stepped out of the car and closed the door, and glanced up to see Weevil making his way over to me, wiping his hands on a rag. I stayed where I was, leaning back on the car, took a deep, steadying breath and waited for him.

"V? What are you doing here?" His voice was soft, no traces of anger from our last confrontation. I was relieved. I hadn't really been sure how he would react to seeing me. I met his confused gaze with one that I hoped would come across as grateful, and gave him a small smile.

"I just wanted to thank you, for what you did for me and my Dad the other night."

He nodded, looking down, but didn't say anything, so I continued.

"I was a complete bitch to you when you came to my office. I mean, I couldn't even look you in the eye when I said there was nothing left..."

"I noticed that too."

"...but you still showed up to save me. I was wrong. You are still a good guy, Weevil."

He laughed then, the old, familiar sparkle in his eyes.

"Don't say that too loud. I've got a reputation to uphold here."

I laughed too, glancing over at the teenagers, who had mostly stopped playing their game to watch us.

"Hey, I heard about Logan. I'm really sorry, V."

I just nodded, refusing to meet his gaze.

"You know, if there's anything I can do for you, just ask, ok? We've got a lot of history, you and me, but I hope you know that you can still count on me to come through for you."

I met his eyes and gave him a small, tight smile.

"Thank you, and yeah, I do know. You proved that the other night."

I turned back to Macs car, and opened the door, then paused as something occurred to me, and looked back at him with a coy smile.

"Actually, now that you mention it, there is something you could do for me?"

He laughed aloud, shaking his head, his eyes twinkling.

"You haven't changed a bit, have you V?"

I shook my head. "No, I guess I haven't, much. Wait, is that a bad thing?"

He grinned. "Name it. What do you need?"

I cocked an eyebrow, questioningly. "A car? Nothing flashy. I can pay cash."


	3. Chapter 3

Here's the final chapter of this little fic. I am well aware that it is not my best work, but it has served the purpose of getting me back into writing after a 7 year hiatus, and for that reason alone, I am proud of this little story. I was so sorely disappointed in so many aspects of Season 4 of VM, and I still blatantly refuse to believe that Logan is dead, so this fix-it is my head canon to lead us into a LoVe filled Season 5. Yep, I'm probably delusional, but IDGAF, I'll be delusional and happy that my OTP are still alive and well.

So without further ado, I give you:

Always - Chapter 3

…

"Jane called again yesterday." My dad informed me over breakfast.

I nodded, but I had no interest in speaking to Logan's therapist. If she thought she could help me with my grief, she was delusional, and she clearly didn't know the first thing about me.

"You need to go see her, Veronica. It could be important."

My eyes snapped up to meet his, questioningly, and he nodded slowly in response, answering my unspoken query. "Maybe… I don't know honey, she didn't say anything, but she's being very persistent. It's worth checking out. She might have information for you."

I nodded, resigning myself to the fact that I would have to go see Jane. I'd never met the woman, but from all that Logan had told me about her, I had already decided that I wouldn't like her. But then, I reminded myself that this wasn't about me. If she had information about Logan, or a message from him, then I owed it to him to make time for her. I did however, reserve the right to bite her head off if she attempted to give me any form of grief counselling. I hadn't signed up for that shit.

I had already filled my dad in on all the things I had discovered the day before, including the fact that Logan had asked me in his letter not to tell anyone, so now I was extra nervous that my father might be in danger by knowing what he knew, but it was already too late to do anything about that. I would just have to be extra careful to keep him safe.

He had spoken to Leo, and Leo had already changed the forensic report so that it included findings of Logan's DNA. Leo had also passed on information to my dad about a funeral home that was apparently holding 'Logan's' body, ready for burial, we would just have to contact them with the funeral plans and they would take care of the rest. I didn't want to know how Leo knew so much about covering up a faked death, or for that matter, where he had gotten the John Doe's body from, but my dad had complete faith in him, so I didn't question it too much. I had enough to deal with.

He had gone back to my apartment yesterday afternoon to do a thorough sweep for bugs, and found two, which only added to my concerns, especially about my dad's safety. One was in my kitchen, behind the clock, and the other in my bedroom, hidden behind the framed print that hung above the bed. After making those discoveries, he had come home and swept his own house, including all the items he had brought back here from my apartment, for Pony and me, and had discovered something else...

_Last Night..._

After dropping Mac's car back to her at her parents' house, and then getting her to drop me back at Weevils to pick up my new car, I had finally arrived home at my dads at about 7.30pm in my new, white, non-conspicuous, paid-for-in-cash SUV.

Dad didn't even ask me about the car… he just ushered me inside, told me dinner would be ready in 5 minutes, and suggested that I feed Pony before dinner. I dumped my bag and jacket and told him I was going to shower first, but he stopped me; a strangely insistent look on his face.

"Veronica. Please, just feed your dog."

I had sighed at him, deliberately being petulant… first Logan kept leaving me references to Pony, and now my own father was insinuating I couldn't look after my own dog without being nagged.

I relented and picked up his food bowl. He whined softly at me and followed me into the laundry room, where my dad had stored the massive bag of dry food that Logan always insisted on buying him. It was too heavy for me to carry, so when I had to buy it, I got him the smaller bags, but obviously, Logan had been the last one to buy his food, because this damn bag was still nearly full, and I would have no chance of moving it myself.

I unzipped the seal and reached in to grab the scoop, when a corner of a plastic baggy poking out from between the biscuits caught my eye, and I reached in and extracted it, my mouth falling open in shock when my brain registered what it was.

It was a disposable cell phone.

Oh holy shit…

Movement in the doorway caught my attention and I glanced up to see my father there, watching me intently. I looked back down at the phone, my hands trembling a little as I peeled open the baggy and pulled it out, flipping it open.

There were 2 missed calls, from a private number.

I glanced up at my dad again, and I'm sure he noticed that my eyes were a little shinier than usual. He reached out and put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

I eyed him quizzically. "Did you know about this?"

He quickly shook his head. "No, I only found it about an hour ago... "

I nodded, accepting his answer, but still reeling. I tried to go into the call log on the phone, but there was no caller ID number registered, so I couldn't return the calls. I would just have to wait until it rang again.

God, I would give anything to hear Logan's voice. I knew he was alive, he had confirmed that he was safe, but to speak to him right now would be everything. I could keep up this charade of pretending that he was dead for as long as was necessary, I could even survive the agony of pretending to grieve his death at his funeral, if only I could just hear his voice.

I had kept the phone on me all day so far, never letting it out of my sight, but so far, nothing. It really hadn't been much of a stretch for me to play the role of the grieving widow… I may have known and taken much relief in the fact that Logan wasn't actually dead, but as for any other details of his whereabouts, or his well-being, or his safety, I was still firmly in the dark. I was very aware that whatever this mission was, it must be incredibly risky for him, so the tears that I was holding back as I walked into the funeral home with my father on my arm were not just there for show.

I let my dad do most of the talking, and we kept it simple and low key. As Logan was an active serviceman, he was eligible for a full military funeral, but my dad and I didn't feel comfortable with that, given the circumstances… and as his wife, the final decision was left up to me.

We were informed that even if we chose to give Logan a private funeral, we would still be given the option for him to he receive an honor guard detail of at least two members of the armed forces. I would also be presented with a folded flag at his funeral, and a lone, uniformed bugler would be provided to play taps as his coffin was lowered into the ground.

God. This was all so surreal. I couldn't stop my tears.

I didn't want to go ahead with it. This whole thing was my worst nightmare.

_No Veronica, your worst nightmare is ACTUALLY burying Logan, not just pretending to. Suck it up, Mars! You can do this. It will help to keep Logan safe. _

Plans were set, decisions were made, and Logan's funeral was scheduled for this Friday, just eight days after our wedding day.

I left arm in arm with my dad, the full weight of what we were doing settling heavy on my chest as I climbed up into the driver's seat of my new car.

Everyone in my life, save my dad, _and Leo - (though he wasn't exactly in my life, and I didn't want him to be),_ thought that I was a widow. Logan was gone, blown up an hour after our wedding by a bomb that I had been too careless to notice had been left in my car. All our friends, colleagues, family, his gym buddies - Hell, even the great state of California believed that Logan Echolls was a dead man. How would we ever come back from that? When this threat, this mission or whatever it was, was over, would Logan just be able to come home? _"Oops, sorry guys. Just kidding!"_ Or was this it? Would we live out the rest of our lives under aliases, in a foreign place, never to be able to return home again?

I hadn't lost my husband, not in the way everyone believed I had, but I was still grieving. Grieving for the loss of our blissful, happy, easy, simple lives together. Of our honeymoon. Of our freedom. Of us being able to raise our family in the town where we had both grown up; despite how much I claimed to hate this town, it was still home, and I didn't want to be exiled from it.

And what of his friends, who were grieving for him too? If Logan returns to Neptune a year from now and knocks on Dick's door, would his old buddy welcome him with open arms? Or punch him in the face? It wasn't fair to put people through this. I wished I could just tell a small handful of trusted people the truth. Well, trusted people, and Dick, because as much as I disliked the guy, I hated lying to him about the death of his best friend. Maybe I should be keeping a closer eye on him, making sure he was okay. Logan would appreciate me looking out for him.

I dropped my father off at MI and continued on towards the beach, towards Dick's beachside bungalow. Dick and I had a long and colorful history, but we both tolerated each other due to Logan's adoration of us both, and I knew he had been there for Logan when I wasn't, so I was grateful to him for his loyalty, despite the fact that I thought he was a pig.

But despite our past, I wasn't heartless. Dick thought he had lost his best friend in the world, and I could empathize with him over how hard that was. For a few days there, I thought I had lost Logan too … and couple that with the fact that Dick's father had been murdered less that 24 hours before Logan's apparent death, and I truly did feel a lot of sympathy for the guy. Not that his father was in any way a decent human being, but hey, your dad is your dad, right?

When I pulled up out the front of his house, I could see that he already had company, but Dick always had random hangers-on so I didn't think anything of it until my knock on the door was answered by someone I really hadn't expected to see.

"Oh, Nicole. Hi."

She regarded me coolly, but with an air of reluctant sympathy… like, she still hated me, but she felt sorry for me too.

"Hey Veronica. Come in. Dick's in the shower, but let me pour you a drink while you wait…"

She turned and walked back into the house, leaving the door open behind her, with the expectation that I would just follow… so I did.

She poured me a scotch on the rocks and handed it to me, and then raised her own glass to clink against mine.

"To Logan" she said softly, meeting my eye. I quickly dropped my gaze from hers, but repeated the toast. "To Logan."

"I'm really sorry, Veronica. He was a good man. He deserved better than that."

I nodded, and swallowed hard, then glanced back up to meet her eyes. They had softened, just a little.

"Thank you Nicole. Yeah, he certainly did."

She reached out and touched a hand to my shoulder, as a gesture of comfort, or maybe even a show of truce after what I had done to her, I wasn't sure which. I knew I had done the wrong thing by her, but right now, in the face of what we were all going through, it didn't really seem important any more. Water under the bridge.

"How's Dick doing?" I asked her tentatively.

She sighed, taking a big swig of her drink. "Truthfully, he's a mess. He's angry, bitter and depressed, and is only interested in drowning his pain. I can't blame him, really, that's how I deal with shit too… but I am pretty worried about him."

I reached out and returned her gesture, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder and giving her a little squeeze. "Thank you for being here for him. Logan would be very grateful that you are looking after him."

She smiled grimly at me. "Yeah, well… what are friends for?"

When I finally left Dick's a couple of hours later, I had a new destination in mind, but I was unsure how to go about making contact. I had awoken at 3am with the sudden realization of who CW was, but when I had tried to call Kane Software to speak to their head of Security, I had been put through to the office of Mr Bernard Thompson… certainly not who I was looking for. I had quickly hung up and dialled the switchboard again, enquiring this time if I could be put through instead to Mr Clarence Wiedman, and was informed he no longer worked for the company.

A quick internet search told me his home address wasn't too far from Dick's, but if he had top secret information for me about Logan, was it okay that I just show up at his house? Would he even be there?

As luck would have it, he was home, alone, and seemed to have been expecting me. He opened the door before I had even reached it to knock, and invited me in.

His house was warm, sparsely furnished and spotlessly clean. He gestured for me to follow him into a sitting room, illuminated by a full wall of nothing but windows, facing north towards the midday sun.

We both sat, opposite each other, and I couldn't help feeling a little awkward. I had once accused this man of stalking me and blackmailing my mother.

But if he felt awkward too, he didn't show it.

"I was in the County street clearing car the day of the explosion, Veronica. Logan knew he was going to be extracted, but he didn't know when. He came down to move your car, and I saw my opportunity and took it… we didn't know about the bomb in your car, that was honestly just a very lucky, well timed convenience."

I shook my head in disbelief, my confusion clouding every word. "What were you even doing there? What has any of this got to do with you?" I realized how rude that sounded, and I quickly backpedalled. "Sorry, I just don't understand any of this. I didn't even know you knew Logan."

Clarence's eyes gave nothing away, but his voice softened.

"I'm in Naval intelligence now too, Veronica. I have been for a while. Among other things, I am Logan's handler. It's my job to keep him safe, and that's what I had to do the other day. The safest place for Logan right now is for the world to believe he is dead."

I sat forward on his couch, hugging my knees, trying to absorb his words.

"He will be in contact with you. As his wife, you are legally the only civilian permitted to know the truth, and to remain in contact with him, so long as it is safe to do so. If you betray the confidence placed in you, it could jeopardize Logan's safety, and his mission, and you will no longer be privy to this confidential information. Logan has vouched for you and promised your compliance, but security measures still need to remain in place. When he calls you, you will be asked to provide your code word.

I nodded carefully, making sure that I completely understood the enormity of what I was being trusted with here.

"Okay, that's fine. What's the code word?"

Clarence leveled a serious gaze at me.

"Have you and Logan never discussed a code word?"

I shook my head. "No."

He narrowed his gaze. "Has he left you any clues, anything that stands out that he might have been trying to hint at? It could be letters, or numbers, or a combination of both. An important date, perhaps?"

I felt my heart do a little excited flip in my chest, and a small smile played across my lips.

_Pony's leash. His message to feed Pony. The phone in his bag of food. All the hints towards Pony that I had frankly been a little baffled about. That had to be it._

I nodded at Clarence. "Yep. I think I know what it could be. Thanks Clarence."

At about 11 o'clock that Thursday night, just as I was getting ready for bed, the phone rang.

No, not my phone. The burner phone, from the dog food bag.

I hadn't let it out of my sight since I'd found it 3 days ago, but it hadn't made a noise.

Until now.

With trembling hands, I snatched it up. The caller ID was a blocked number.

I pressed the call button, feeling like I was in a dream, and waited for it to connect.

"Hello?"

"Password please?" Came a deep voice from the other end of the line.

"Oh, umm, Pony?" I stammered out, praying I was right.

"Hold please." Came the deep voice. I waited.

I heard a beep, and two clicks come down the line, and then the sweetest sound I'd ever heard in my life.

"Veronica?"

"Logan?" Tears burst out of me at the sound of his voice coming through the phone, but I didn't even try to hold them back. "Oh my God, Logan. Thank God. Oh my God." I sank to the floor, my legs just seeming to have buckled beneath me, but I barely noticed.

I was still staying at my dads house, and I had been preparing for bed in the guest room. Pony was in the room with me, and when I sank to the floor, he bounded over to me to lick my face, thrilled that I was down on his level. I cradled the phone like a lifeline in my hands, ignoring the 70 pound dog licking my face, and cried unchecked, into the phone at the sound of his voice.

"Veronica. Oh my beautiful girl, I'm so, so sorry that you have to go through this. God I love you so much. Please forgive me, my love. I didn't have a choice in this, I had to do this. God I miss you."

"Where are you? What happened? Why did you leave me? I thought you were dead Logan, for three days I thought you had died. How could you do…."

I heard his soft sobs through the phone, and I stopped.

"I'm sorry, Veronica. Please don't hate me for this. I didn't have a choice."

I sighed, and just let the silence hang there between us for a few moments. Of course I didn't hate him. Nothing could ever make me hate him. Nothing.

"I'm burying you tomorrow." I spoke softly, calmly. Even to me, my voice sounded detached and unemotional. "Your funeral is at 2pm. I chose not to get you a military honor guard, I hope you don't mind? I didn't want to have to deal with finding a place to display that folded flag in your memory."

If he picked up on the slight bitterness in my tone, the passive-aggressive baiting, he didn't react to it. He was just silent for a few moments, taking that information in.

"I am so sorry Veronica. You know, you don't have to go through with this, if it's too hard for you…"

"I'm okay Logan. If doing this is going to make it more believable, keep up the charade, then I'm happy to do it. I just want you safe."

Another thought occurred to me then, and the easiest way to deal with it was to ask Logan. "Jane has been trying to contact me. Does she know anything? What do you want me to tell her?"

Logan sighed. "No, she doesn't know anything. She's probably just calling to check up on you. It could be really helpful for you to go and meet with her, talk about all this? You can't actually tell her the truth, but I'm sure you could come up with a way to make it convincing."

I laughed lightly, humorlessly. "Yeah, hard pass. Thanks anyway."

There was another pause, and I swear I could actually hear his disappointment in me through his silence. Then I asked him a question I was pretty sure he wasn't going to be able to answer. My voice shook a little, betraying my casual tone.

"Where are you Logan?"

I was right.

"I can't tell you that, love."

I nodded, tears pooling in my eyes.

"Are you safe? Please, just tell me you are safe. I can survive all of this, as long as I know you are safe."

"I promise you, love, I am safe. I'm in Witness Security. I'm protected, and I'm fine. Do not worry about me. I've got the easy part of this whole, fucked up situation. It's you I am worried about."

I tried not to let myself by so relieved by his words, but it wasn't possible. That was all I needed to hear to know that I could do this, for as long as I needed to. As long as he was safe, I could handle anything. But of course, I was incapable of saying those words to him … I just hoped he knew me well enough to already know it. And the comforting thing was, I was certain he did.

I searched for something else to tell him, to change the subject.

"I went to check on Dick this morning. He's a mess, but Nicole is going to bring him to the funeral tomorrow. He's going to be one of your pall-bearers." I laughed softly, in spite of myself. "He even hugged me. He told me he was here for me. It was kind of sweet."

Logan was silent again, just for a moment.

"Dick's with Nicole? Nicole from Comrade Quacks?"

"Yeah, she hasn't left his side since… you know. Between losing you, and his Dad, he's not doing too good. Nicole really seems to care about him."

"I'm glad he's got someone there for him. Thank you for checking up on him, he must be going through hell. He's a good guy, Veronica. I know he's done some dumb shit in the past, but he's got a good heart. If he said that to you, he means it. Lean on him if you need to, it would probably mean a lot to him if you did."

I took a few moments to absorb his words, and was a little surprised to realize that I believed what he was saying.

"Yeah ok. If I need to, I'll call him. I'll keep in touch with him."

More silence. Considering how long I had been anxiously awaiting this call, now that it was finally happening, I couldn't think of anything to say. All the things I really wanted to say suddenly seemed unimportant… and yelling at him for abandoning me just seemed counter-productive at this point.

"So how long is this going to go on? How long until I can see you again?" I bit my bottom lip tightly, waiting for his answer. I had tried very hard to keep the desperation out of my voice, but I'm not convinced I succeeded.

"I don't know, love. It depends on the target, and how quickly we can infiltrate the organisation, and gather the evidence we need. It could be a few months, or it could be a year… or longer. Maybe even two? I have no way of knowing."

"Can I see you?"

He heard the hitch this time, the choke of my voice, the desperation of my question… I know he did. He was silent for a few beats before he spoke so softly I wasn't sure if I had imagined it.

"No, love." I heard him sigh. "Not til it's over. I won't risk your safety. But I will call you as often as I can."

I just nodded, knowing he couldn't see my response, but I couldn't form words. The tears spilled down my cheeks and I wiped at them ineffectively with my sleeve.

"I love you so much Veronica. You are the bravest, most beautiful person I've ever met in my life. I'm so grateful I got to marry you. And one day, when we have our lives back, and we are ready to be boring and settle down and have peaceful lives, I want our children to have all of your courage, and strength, and passion…"

I was sobbing openly at his words.

"I want to be boring with you now, Logan. I don't want to wait."

He laughed softly at my words, but he knew what I meant.

"I know love. I want it too. As soon as I can, I will come back to you. We will get to have the honeymoon we missed out on, and we can start working on making some of those babies together, okay."

I heard the chuckle in his voice at those words, and I had to laugh too. If he had said that to me, even a week ago, I would have run screaming from the room… but now…

"I love you, Logan. I know I don't say it often, but you know I feel it. I love you more than anything else in the world."

He sighed softly. "I know. I've always known."

"Please, just promise me one thing? Please?"

He didn't hesitate.

"Anything, my love."

I lowered my voice to a soft plea.

"Come back to me?"

He exhaled gently and spoke the single word down the line, as a vow.

"Always."

(AN: There will be a part 2 to this story … just a simple oneshot, as an Epilogue, but can be read as a stand-alone piece. It will be set during their reunion, which doubles as their honeymoon.) I'll have it up within 2 weeks.

Biggest thanks and all my love to my beautiful niece Jaime, for encouraging (nagging) me for 7 years to start writing again. 3 Love you baby. xx

Reviews are LoVe guys. Please, let me know what you thought.

Xx Bec


	4. Chapter 4

Epilogue is now up, but I've decided to make it a Series, so I've posted it as a New Fic.

You can find it under the title 'Always Yours'.

Thanks for reading.

xx Bec


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